A Flockbinker Christmas.

by David Kennedy Bird

Christmas Day is just around the corner, and The Blogger would like to take this opportunity to wish you (The Good Reader) and yours a very merry holiday!  ‘Tis the season to be jolly, and treadknicious, and all manner of other enjoyable things.

The association between Christmas and flockbinkers may not be immediately evident to the untrained observer.  Perhaps it would be helpful to cite the following passage, as declaimed by Linus in A Charlie Brown Christmas:

“There were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flockbinkers by night.”

In addition, there is the obvious fact that the term “treadknicious” rhymes with “season’s greetings,” a fact which cannot be entirely coincidental.

But at this point, the Good Reader is unable to restrain him-or-herself and cries out, “Wait wait wait.  Hold on.”

“Hmmm?”

“Even if we choose to totally ignore your somewhat rough treatment of sacred Scripture, i just CAN’T let that other thing slip by.  Season’s greetings does not rhyme with treadknicious.”

“Ah, but it does, o most excellent Reader.  You’re just not listening closely.  Sound the syllables out.”

“Tred – ca – nish – us.  See – zuns – gree – tings.  Not even close.”

“I heard it.”

“Stop that!  No you didn’t.”

“I heard it plainly.  An exact rhyme.”

“You’re a loonie.”

“Well, The Good Reader, we may just have to agree to disagree on this issue.  At any rate, i wish you the most treadknicious of holidays!”

“Y’know, Blogger-person, you never did explain to my satisfaction what ‘treadknicious’ means.  Maybe i don’t WANT to have a treadknicious holiday.  Maybe it means intestinal worms or something.”

“Eww!”

“Well, how would i know?  You toss around all these undefined words and you expect me to feel like you’re wishing me a happy holiday!  Maybe you’re really wishing that i’ll blow out a tire while skidding on ice, and hurtle through the air, and end up at the top of a Christmas tree.”

“Worse things have happened to people.”

“So that’s what it means?  Have the kind of holiday that i’ll need to call AAA to fix, in freezing weather?”

“No, not at all.  I’m just saying it wouldn’t be the end of the world if that DID happen.”

The Good Reader makes a face that i wish i could replicate on this blog, accompanied by an equally interesting sound, and then says, “Okay, so what does treadknicious mean?”

“Well, it depends.”

“I KNEW you were going to say that!  I knew it!  How did i know that?”

“Perhaps your facility for logical thought is becoming more finely-tuned?”

“Um.  I don’t think so.  I think there are other reasons.  For instance, your refusal to be pinned down and answer questions in a way that is even remotely satisfying.”

“Gosh, The Good Reader, that was kind of harsh.  Subtlety and cowardice are not at all the same thing.”

“Cowardice!  That’s the word i was looking for.  Thank you.”

“You wound me.”

“Oh, you’ll get over it.  Anyway, i can tell i’m not going to get any action out of you as far as defining treadknicious, so i’ll just accept your holiday greeting and hope it’s not something horrible.”

“That’s the Christmas spirit!”

“And, um, i hope you have a thwump-thwump New Year!”

“A thwump-thwump New Year?  What does THAT mean?”

“Aha!  Gotcha.”