A Bit More About Flockbinkers
by David Kennedy Bird
In the wake of our last entry—in which we “took the flockbinker by the horns,” so to speak—it is to be expected that the Good Reader
(not to be confused with the Timid Reader)
(although these may be overlapping categories)
(indeed, they could very well be categories that overlap 100%)
(the fact that they remain separate categories, then, owing to the fact that there is a logical distinction to be drawn between the state-of-affairs in which one is a ‘good’ reader, and that in which one is a ‘timid’ reader, even though one remains the same person all along)
(and that’s ignoring altogether the possibility that the Good Reader—or Timid Reader—if they are not, in fact, the same category—may object fiercely to being viewed as a ‘category,’ as opposed to, for instance, a ‘person’)
Oh dear. That wasn’t pretty. What say we start over and pretend none of the above ever happened.
Ahem. In the wake of the last entry, it is to be expected that the Good Reader may have a long list of questions. Here are some that we suspect the Good (and/or Timid) Reader may have formed, but may be too afraid (or Timid) to ask out loud.
These are based on actual questions that Good Readers, some of them Timid, have submitted, sometimes Timidly. And some of the questions are just kind of made up. Actually, to be honest, most, if not all—okay, fine, all—of them were just kind of made up. Some of them were in fact made up for the sole purpose of mocking the Good Reader and making him look like an idiot. We (the writers at this website, collectively known as ‘The Blogger’) are still working through whether this should be viewed as an ethical dilemma, or a priceless recreational opportunity.
- Is a flockbinker a real thing?
- Is a flockbinker a kind of animal?
- Is it a cuddly animal?
- Is it a sweet little furry cuddly animal with soft, soft whiskers?
- Can flockbinkers be made into housepets?
- If i made a little sweater for one, would it wear the sweater?
- Are flockbinkers bigger than a breadbox? I’ve always wanted to ask if something is bigger than a breadbox. I don’t even know how big a breadbox is, or what one looks like. I’ve never seen one. But i’ve heard about them all my life, always, interestingly, in the context of that question, ‘is it bigger than a breadbox…’ [this particular Good Reader had to be cut off]
- Do flockbinkers really even exist? I mean, really?
- I don’t think they exist. Wait, that wasn’t a question, was it. But i don’t.
- If so, then what does the word ‘exist’ mean, in the case of flockbinkers?
- And while we’re on it, what does the word ‘exist’ mean, in the case of Twitter followers? I honestly cannot tell if some of these people really exist.
- Heck, what does the word ‘exist’ mean, period?
- The word ‘exist’ looks like the word ‘exit,’ but with an extra letter. Is that just a coincidence?
- What does the word ‘sequester’ mean? They keep saying it on the news.
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that Iron Man exists?
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that My Little Pony exists?
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that Pee Wee Herman exists?
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that ‘the present King of France’ does?
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that Bertrand Russell does?
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that Scotsmen do? I am referring, of course, to the three Scotsmen that are widely reported to have been seen sitting on a fence.
- Do flockbinkers exist in the same way that an efficiently run government bureau does? In sort of a, like, fantasy realm?
- Is the flockbinker a kind of abstraction?
- Is ‘flockbinker’ really just a way of characterizing a subjective feeling?
- Can the word ‘flockbinker’ actually be said to mean anything, if it doesn’t refer to anything concrete in the real world? And i’m not saying it doesn’t. I’m just saying ‘if.’
- Were flockbinkers invented just to teach a logic exercise?
- Who would come up with a word like ‘flockbinker’ if he was trying to teach logic? Maybe if he was teaching ‘how to be stupid.’
- Is ‘flockbinker’ just a noise you make into the air, like “bbbrthth”?
- When nonsense words are being used to teach logic, what kind of world are we passing on to our children?
- Can ‘flockbinker’ be a nonsense word and still a real thing?
- Kind of like Hubba Bubba, which is actually two nonsense words in quick succession, but i think you get my point?
- Do flockbinkers qualify for federal benefits? If not, why not? Everyone else does.
- Do flockbinkers really have horns? You never answered that guy’s question.
I think that’s probably enough for now. We’ll just let these questions hang, unanswered for the time being, so that they can mellow, or cure, or ferment, or stew in their own juices, or whatever culinary-sounding-thing it is that hanging questions do, and perhaps we can get to at least some of them in upcoming posts.